he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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