I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
