I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
