Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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