Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
