I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
