almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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