You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
