Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still dying that you shit outside
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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