I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
