Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
