Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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