i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
