I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
