Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
