At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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