there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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