You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
