nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
