So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
