I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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