if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
