New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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