i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The air was thick with penises
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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