Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
