Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
