there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
