GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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