she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
