New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
