i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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