none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
