she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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