i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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