my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
