Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk is a universal language darling
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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