I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
