what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
