Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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