you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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