Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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