i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
