I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
