70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
