I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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