Only a mothe r could love this liver
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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