God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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