We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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