Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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