How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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